Among the earth's most formidable creatures

is one who bears very similar features

to mine, though she's thoroughly foreign to me;

 

I'd claim she came from another planet --

one named Venus (or was it Janet?)

but most would find that hard to believe, don't you agree?

 

No, her strangeness stems from simple genetics,

udderish moods, and dreadful cosmetics,

and especially from the way she acts towards me:

 

She seems to think she's still in charge

even though I've grown quite large,

but Iím an adult she's never willing to see!

 

Instead her perception, quite mistaken,

regards my lot as completely forsaken

to be her slave and general dog's-body;

 

Her whims are mad, filled with demands,

and dare I thwart her slightest commands

her tirades are something I devoutly wish I could flee...

 

Yet Mum on her own seems unable to cope

with life's least requirement of any scope

so her claim on me is her ultimate victory:

 

I do her chores and smooth her way,

shield her from stress, check in every day,

and arrange her life most satisfactorily.

 

She's determined to know my whereabouts,

thoroughly convinced I consort with louts

whose ancestors have barely come down from a tree,

 

While she, in contrast, is quite loudly certain

that our forebearers lived in caves with lace curtains

and Grandpa Oog would have certainly been a grandee!

 

Though she's searched in vain for news of our reign

it hasn't inhibited her claim to our fame:

but strident assertion is far from certain proof of nobility.

 

Sheís firmly convinced no woman is worthy

to bear my babies and call her Dorothy

(for thatís her name though sheíll always be ĎMaíamí to me).

 

Sheís appointed herself my marriage broker,

with scheming worthy of a decadent toker

and assaults on every debutantish sensibility;

 

What she doesnít  ken is that come what may

sheíll never manage my wedding day

despite her dreams of considerable reams of lordly attendees.

 

I must disappoint:  Iím in love with a man;

weíll soon be away, thus thwarting her plan

to eventually ensure that Iíll nevermore walk free.

 

She is, it is true, kin to me through and through,

thus I cannot ignore this personage who

has given me breath -- then frustrated my destiny;

 

So Iíve hired a nanny and also a lawyer:

both of them have the keys to her foyer --

Iíll write from long distance announcing my fait accompli.

 

Iíll do what I can from wherever we are

whether its Paris, or Moscow, or Zanzibar,

or somewhere free in the heart of Poughkeepsie;

 

I may be her son, but Iím no longer the one

whose job itís become to drop all and run

to come to the aid, thoroughly unpaid, of this lady related to me.

 


 

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